As the rest of you all, I find myself anxiously peering at the calendar as December winds down- counting the hours until the 'clean slate'. I would be fibbing if I said I didn't like the idea of a fresh start to experience better growth, better joy, better love..."better". That is, after all, what we desire- yes? A better life, a better thrill, a better sense of pride and assurance that we are doing what we feel we are capable of achieving.
Gratefully so, this year has been one of confusion, pain, loss, and grey living. Did I seriously start that with gratefully so?! I swear I haven't lost it completely...yet. I experienced loss of my hard shell, unstoppable attitude and resilience to illness. Instead, each month brought a new level of pain both mentally and physically. I lost well over 20% in lung function due to not respecting life. No, that's not it. I lost over 20% in lung function due to wandering from my fighting attitude, desire to be better now and being tired of fighting. Heard of being sick and tired of being sick and tired? Yeah, it's real.
I suppose that above all else, I have experienced what true resilience looks like. Smiling through pain, feeling overwhelming emotions, and ultimately saying "yes" because I choose to do so. There will always be obstacles we are faced with and pain we are forced to experience. But, (and there is always a but) in the blunders lies the beauty...until we experience the sensation of pain we do not fully grasp the impeccable sensation of living.
Being fearful of blinking and allowing time to pass is like being so afraid to experience pain that we never truly live.
BLINK ON. LIVE ON.
